Sunday, May 11, 2008

grrrrrrrrrr

Lately I notice I am very quickly affected and rather badly affected by one particular person. What shocks me is that she means nothing to me and is just someone I have to deal with. But she repeatedly pushes my buttons and as if she knows exactly what buttons to push, she seems to be having a field time pushing them again and again.

Each time I deal with her my blood really boils, and I can feel myself going out of control.

Earlier she wrote me an email which absolutely drove me mad and I have to re-read the email over and over and over again and I went downstairs to watch Channel E for a good 1 hour to calm myself down before I could reply to her.

She’s nobody. Why should I be so affected?

I know for the past year I have tried my best to be patient because I keep telling myself she’s new and terribly young but it seems that her attitude problem is just getting worse. What’s more I’m getting more complaints from all other departments about her and as I’m leading the team I have to justify her behaviour and her attitude to them even though I know the way she talks can really piss people off. I have no choice because I need to try maintaining the relationship between these groups of people to continue to have a mutually acceptable working environment.

Maybe I’m actually angry at the fact that I have all these unnecessary things to deal with that I wouldn’t have to deal with if she had more decency to talk nicer to everyone else. Then they won’t come to me complaining. Maybe I have developed a resistance to everything she has stirred up simply because she cannot talk to people nicely. Whatever lah. Director or not, I’m human too and my human side is saying “Fuck it – go learn some bloody manners and stop giving me grief”.

I have said that I need to get rid of toxic people. What happens if you HAVE to work with them? I would like to avoid talking to her or have anything to do with her but how can I do that if I HAVE to deal with her?

I just feel like I need to find a way to deal with this because face it – people aren’t gonna change. And my way of dealing with it is to take deep breaths before talking to her and be totally indifferent when talking to her and avoid talking to her at all costs.

That aside, I noticed that with what has happened recently I am a lot more edgy and am more easily affected. I really need to start finding a way to release all this pent up frustration……..

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