arrrrghhhhhhh

Today is one of those days where I feel so frustrated and confused that I’m literally rooted to where I’m sitting…unable to move and I feel as if I did, I didn’t know what to do and where to go.

If I was forced at gun point to come up with a resolution for this year it will be to nurture a non existent trait in me – INDIFFERENCE. While I sometimes can get away by looking like I am, but truth is I AM NOT. I envy the people who can change to this mode whenever they want and have a million justifications for them to stay that way.

I have no problems coming up with the reasons – my biggest problem is trying to conjure that feeling and mood!! And my even bigger problem is dealing with people who CAN switch to that mode TOWARDS me. Arghhhhh!! That makes me twitch and every fibre of my body just wants to screaaaammmm!!!

Arrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhh!!

first random blah of the year

Today is my first day back at work this year….and I feel totally brain dead.

Why does that happen? I’ve been waiting for time off work for ages and when I finally get it I feel like I’m literally growing stupid at home. I enjoyed the time I had in hand, but I was starting to get stressed because I wasn’t doing anything productive.

I knew I should have picked Phuket again – I had so much fun the last two times I was there. The sun, the smell of the sea, the sand, the shopping, the ice cold coconut by the beach, the Thai food…..ahhhhh……. blisssssss..

Just today four people asked me about my New Year resolutions, two asked me if I have met someone new over the holidays (and one nicely commented that I haven’t had a boyfriend since I got back from Africa…gee…thanks!!), one asked me if I was getting married soon (I smiled and said she’s invited to my wedding next year on the condition she brings me the groom!!)

What happened to the days when people asked you easy questions….like how’s the weather for example??

I have never had New Year resolutions – why must people only decide to do things when it’s a brand new year? If they have thought of something in August last year and it was something that was going to be life changing, do they keep it for January so they have a mission for the new year? If someone wanted to quit smoking why not quit the moment they think it’s what they want to do? What is the significance of waiting until January each year to quit? I recall my teachers ‘forcing’ us to come up with resolutions back in school. If I said “I want a dog” that was not really a resolution because mum & dad were bosses at home and if they say no, there is no bloody way I could change their mind. If I said I want to be a millionaire, it was not really a resolution either as being 8 there was really nothing much I could do to earn money unless I pimped myself. But of course being 8 and innocent (I still am) why would I even think of that.

(If anyone is still reading…. you’d know I’m bored at work and trying to pass time).

Now, the boyfriend and the marriage thing. I am sooooooooooooooo SICK AND TIRED of people asking me if I’m seeing anyone or if I’m getting married soon. So what if everyone around my age are doing that or giving birth or about to have their 19th child? I’m happy for them, congratulations. But that does not mean that I need to do the same! That’s something I’d like to do someday but it has to be with the right person and at the right time! When I do get a boyfriend I think I’d need to run a full page ad for a week so everyone knows and leaves me alone. But until that happens, LEAVE ME ALONE!!! I am single and don’t have a problem with that. (If you’re related to me and you’re still reading – yes you are one of them!!! So when you see me the next time, just zip it, thank you!!)

I can’t even decide on what mobile phone to get for myself. Deciding on a boyfriend is way too complicated for me.

Or is it...? :-)