updates...updates...

WOW.

You guys actually drop by to read my blog?? OMG….like…WOW. Been meaning to update the blog but I thought since I’m the only one reading it I can just keep it all in my head until I have the mood to put it in writing..hehe

Anyway as always when something doesn’t happen, there are the customary excuses. So here goes: I was in Seoul for a week, and then Tokyo for a week and then Singapore for nearly a week….travelling is very time consuming ok! Not to mention when I have so many events back to back it takes up shitloads of time preparing for it and then when I get back I just want to unwind and be…like…braindead and stupid. So that’s why lor..

Anyway, after all the scares she gave us throughout these 9 months, Renée Elisabeth Lim has finally made her grand entrance on the 22nd August 2008. The little drama princess is just so… beautiful. She looks so tiny, so perfect and so innocent. Just the other day I was looking at her and touching her little toes I felt so overwhelmed. It’s amazing that she is the same baby in BubbleKris’ tummy kicking away….the same baby that BubbleKris was carrying in her tummy for a good 9 months. In all honesty I am just so relieved and happy both mother and daughter are well and healthy and are doing so well. I’ve known BubbleKris for so many years and I have never seen that maternal side of her so seeing her cuddling a sleeping Babyrenée in her arms and seeing the look on her face….priceless. It will be very interesting seeing her grow up and I hope no matter what happens ButtercupTjin and I will be there to see all her stages of growth….and hopefully, in a anyway at all, play a part in enriching her life as her GodMa’s!!

Moving on to something else, I was just thinking the other day how I always look forward to a new year because I always hope to be able to leave the past behind and start fresh and look forward to everything new and different. Funny thing is I realized I constantly consoled myself that I have been through so much this year that nothing else can be worse so I have learnt my lessons and am ready to conquer the new year. But things don’t always happen that way does it? Life always have a funny way to manifest new experiences – be it good, bad, unexpected, disappointing, exhilarating etc etc. When we think we are experiencing the happiest moment, there will be something else that crops up that will possibly give us even greater happiness. When we think we are experiencing the lowest and most depressing moment, there will always be something else that crops up that will throw us back to that state again. So I’m just wondering…

Did our lives seem easier to handle when we were younger because there was less in our “life archive” and the reason why our experiences and feelings seem magnified as we grow older is because we have so much more history to dig up from our “archive”? Maybe we “move on” with things in our lives but we never really forget and each time life brings us back to the same or similar crossroad we dig up our same or similar past experience to help us through the one we are facing.

I’m really beginning to think the reason why I have been in and out of my frustration the last 2-3 years is because I keep making the same choices at similar crossroads. I keep ending up at a dead end – and I get totally disappointed in MYSELF for making the “same” mistake again. I consider myself as someone who possesses enough intelligence when it comes to studies and work but honestly there’s so much more I need to learn about life, despite going through more challenges in the last few years than most would at my age.

I did a lot of thinking this weekend and I have a hunch I am at the same crossroad. I am truly blessed because although I have messed up so many times, I feel like I am somehow always given a second, and a third, and a fourth chance to try and make the right decision and to try to do things a bit differently …. and hopefully, right.

If it’s true that people get a certain ‘calling’ or ‘signal’ for something new or a change in their life, I “think” I got mine this weekend. I am not 100% sure but that feeling of calmness and that “knowing” feeling is just something that was so unexpected and almost, just almost - forgotten. I think I need to give it some more time to confirm if this ‘gut feeling’ is for real.

I can’t wait to see how it unfolds…