RIP sparkle baby

I dreaded coming home today. I cried all the way home as I was driving ..... I came home to an urn with Sparkle's ashes. It came in a little basket, the urn in the middle with fresh flowers surrounding the urn and a photo frame meant for his photo. He was cremated yesterday at a pet crematorium.

I held on to Scruffy as I cried. I know she misses him too...it's going to be so different without him.

I felt a tremendous wave of guilt today when I saw his urn. I thought about all the things I could have done better for him. I could have taken him for more walks. I could have taken him to a few more doctors to try see if they could have cured him. I could have spent a little more time with him the last weekend instead of being so stressed about work. I could have talked to him. I could have spent some time scratching his ears. I could have bought him more toys. So many things I wished I could do now, but will never have the chance again.

I will never hear him bark again, never hear him belch, never see him jumping for food, never see him trying to peek in through the windows, never bathe him again, never feed him again......

He's gone. He's left, all that we have now is a little tiny urn and lots of memories.

I miss you Sparkle baby....I really hope you're happy and not suffering anymore. We love you.

goodbye sparkle boy

Sparkle in his e-collar & the doggie straw hat I bought from Tokyo

Sparkle passed away this morning, when exactly we’re not sure as he was already lying lifeless this morning at around 6ish. I have mixed feelings about his death – we’re partly relieved as he has been battling with acute demodex mange and the on and off malassezia for a long long time now.

He was brought to live with us in May 2003 by an uncle whose dog had a litter of 4 puppies because I was still devastated at that time after having lost my first dog Richie - so he thought bringing a new puppy to me was going to help fill that void.

If you have had pets before you would know what I mean when I say they are different in their individual ways….nobody could ever replace Richie, and neither any other dog can replace Sparkle. But he did bring life to the house again. In a lot of ways Sparkle helped me with my pain of losing Richie. I was totally devoted towards bottle feeding him (he was still VERY young at that time) to potty training him to taking him to the vet for his shots to bathing him to brushing his teeth to plucking his ear hair….everything!

When he was nearly one we discovered he was born with an extremely weak immune system and he started getting small patches of demodex mange every few months. It was heart breaking for us and was stressful for him but he basically spent most of his life on ivermectin jabs, tablets, antibiotics and even a couple of times we had to let him take the Mitaban dip. His condition improved and worsened and that became a cycle we got used to for the past 5 years. I’ve read countless holistic healing books for dogs and I tried everything – natural herbs, putting him on a diet of BARF (Bone and Raw Food), homeopathy, aromatherapy, lemon baths, apple cider vinegar, salmon oils……

He survived 5 years. He did his best just as we did our best.

I will miss seeing him sleep beside the door and lazily walk away when we want to walk pass. I will miss seeing him do his tricks (ironically his best trick is playing dead. I will hold up my fingers as if it’s a gun, point to him and say “Bang”…and he will flop down with his tongue hanging out….not moving until I snap my fingers and give him his treat………..and he second best trick is probably lying down and rolling over). I will miss seeing him gobble his food every day like he hasn’t been fed for months. I will miss seeing him run in his funny way. I will miss seeing that guilty look on his face when he knows he has done something wrong and we ask “who did this?” I will miss seeing his eyes close slowly and lazily when I scratch him behind his ears. I will miss seeing him lie on his back with his four paws in the air wanting to be scratched on this belly. I will miss seeing him jump excitedly when we say “walk walk” or “sit car”. I will miss seeing him sit right in the middle of the backseat and blinking his eyes as the A/C blows directly to his face.

My other dog, Scruffy, looked really depressed this morning. It’s as if she understands what’s happening. She will be pretty lonely as she grew up with Sparkle since she was given to us as a puppy in 2004.

However looking at the bright side, Sparkle is no longer suffering. I hope he is in a better place now. I hope doggy heaven exists.

We will miss you Sparkle boy. We love you.

Sparkle with his first Kong toy

With Sparkle boy on his first doggie outing