mishy mashy trashy bashy

new blog!

2011-12-08T04:21:00.002+08:00

I have started a new blog at http://mishkeable.blogspot.com

what holiday??!

2009-03-10T14:45:00.007+08:00

IT'S SOOOOO STRESSFUL TRYING TO PLAN A FREAKING HOLIDAY!!!!

I just have to rant - it's been a month now that Oscar and I have tried to put together a holiday but it's been such a bitch sorting flights, checking hotels and reviews AND trying to get reservations for a bloody room!!!

I thought this was all a thing of the past when I did all my research last night and forced Oscar to sit with me (well actually I took my laptop and sat next to him as he watched EuroSports and kept saying what do you think of this??! Oscar is hopeless at organising things like this but he likes to make the decision and then say - ahhhhhhhhh I made the right choice. Celaka! -_-) Anyway we decided on Discovery Shores in Boracay. The story is..... some woman from that hotel responded to my inquiry with rates and availability for the dates I indicated. I even patiently worked out the flights - right down to the flight number, time, connecting flights to Caticlan, duration of our transit, everything!!!

So when I got in this morning, I wrote this:

Dear XX

Can you please proceed to book the Junior Suite for us. Checking in 30th April, checking out 5th May (5 nights). I would appreciate it if you can send over some suggestions on what we can do whilst we are there.

Also I understand that our transfer from Caticlan Airport is complimentary and arranged by your hotel? Do we need to just provide flight details then?

Please let us know what else you need from our side.

Thanks

Michelle

I hit "send" and was very excited to get confirmation lah! You see I asked for rates AND availability on these dates and she wrote back with rates and said they were for these rates mah! Means they HAVE rooms, right? I wrote and gave dates and said please confirm rates and availability because I already know when I want to go right? Anyway here's the response:

Dear Ms. Wong,

I am glad to hear that you opted to stay at Discovery Shores Boracay. However, due to peak season, we are running high on occupancy. I regret to inform you that the next available room that I can offer you is our one bedroom suite premiere which is 22,326.00 nett inclusive of service charge and taxes. This room is available until May 04, from May 04; the next available room would be our two bedroom suite which is 24,766.00 nett, and should you wish to transfer on the said date. About your inquiry, land and boat transfers are included in the rate. We would need your flight details as reference for your pick up time.

If you have any further concerns or for reservations, feel free to contact me. I would be most glad to assist you. Thank you very much

Sincerely,

My response:

Dear XX,

I am very disappointed to hear this from you as in my inquiry email I have given the specific dates and you should have informed us about the inavailability when responding to my email instead of sending us a price quotation for every room.

We have spent the whole night working out our holiday last night and your response today has totally turned our holiday around. I do not understand how you'd find a holiday 'memorable" when we have to pack our bags to move in to another room on the last day of our holiday and how you'd find a two bedroom suite suitable.

Michelle

WAH!! I'M SUPER ANGRY OK!!!! FINALLY......when I have sorted flights on SQ and on Philippines Airlines and worked out our timing and routes and leave and all that, this person comes back and say SORRY NOT AVAILABLE?? Super geram!!! There goes my holiday!!

Then after I forwarded the email to Oscar he writes back and say,

"Why don't you also check langkawi babe. Easier journey and I can take my bike....."

Sorry I can't continue this post as I'm going to proceed to pengsan now.

-_-

say hi to oscar

2009-02-19T10:27:00.003+08:00

harrow!!

more food!

2009-02-18T09:08:00.010+08:00

I’m so happy I’ve found a new way to entertain myself. I spend most of my time at work and not knowing the place well yet, I find myself spending a lot of time at home after work just chilling out. The lot at work is a little different from the ones I have worked with for 3 years. In KL it was effortless to have an agenda after work – we just head to La Bodega, our watering hole. At times I’m there 4 times out of 5 working days, just having a drink or two and then head home to have dinner or watch some TV. Or I meet up with the girls for dinner. Or go out with my colleagues for dinner. There was always something to do.

Anyway what I have recently started to do more of – cooking! I have always enjoyed the little cooking I’ve done over the years and have been pretty restricted to the few dishes that I keep cooking over and over again but being here permanently means I have to learn to cook more than what I know........and you know what? I’m starting to get really interested.

Problem is sometimes I don’t know what certain ingredients are called and I still don’t know many cooking techniques. So most of what I do is trial and error. I am rubbish at following recipes for cooking (baking is another story, I used to do a lot of that) so I find myself throwing in whatever I feel should make up the taste....and improvise.

Last night’s dinner turned out well again (thank God!) and Oscar enjoyed it so much he was scraping off the sauce! Hehe

We had Watercress Soup, Siew Pak Choy annnnddddddd ......... Char Siew!! Yes I had cravings for Char Siew (not the icky red and overly sweet ones you find in Food Courts!) Oscar loved the meal last night and he even offered to wash up!!

Bear in mind that I don’t follow any “recipes” so I’m sure there are better ways to cook it but here’s my version of last night’s dinner. I only remembered to take photos half way through it so it's all half eaten already hahaha and Oscar likes the Char Siew Sauce so we scraped everything out of the pan and decided to drown the Char Siew. -_-

WATERCRESS SOUP

What I used: (bear in mind this is only for 2)
5 pieces pork bone (you can use pork ribs, chicken cage, chicken bones...whatever lah)
1 small piece pork belly
10 red dates
Wolfberries (Kei Chi in Chinese, I didn’t measure – I just put some in)
1 pkt watercress
½ piece of dried squid (sotong)

What I did:
1) Bring water to boil in pot
2) Put in pork bone & dried squid. Boil for ½ hour
3) Put in red dates, wolfberries, pork belly, watercress
4) Boil for another 45 minutes. Ready!

I always like soup that has been boiled for hours. Reminds me of my grandma who used charcoal and a claypot to boil soup for over 10 hours. Super yummy!

SIEW PAK CHOY

What I used:
I pkt Siew Pak Choy (I separated the stalks and leaves)
3 cloves garlic, chopped (I loooove plenty of garlic in my veggies though)
4 slices ginger
1 tbsp light soya sauce
5 tbsp Hua Diao Jiu / Shaoxing Wine
Dash of white pepper
Pinch of Salt
Pinch of Maggi Ikan Bilis Stock

What I did:
1) Heat oil in work, fry garlic and ginger until fragrant
2) Add in the stalks
3) Add in soya sauce, hua diao jiu & ikan bilis stock
4) Add in the leafy parts
5) Add pepper and salt

Reason why I separated the stalks is because they take a longer time to cook and I don’t like the leafy bits over cooked.

CHAR SIEW

What I used:
2 pieces pork belly (I picked the ones that were not overly fat)
4 tbsp Lee Kum Kee Char Siew Sauce
4 cloves garlic, smashed
1 tbsp Hua Diao Jiu
½ tbsp Oyster Sauce
½ tbsp Light Soya Sauce
Some honey for glazing

What I did:
1) Marinate the pork belly with the char siew sauce, hua diao jiu, oyster sauce and light soys sauce. Make sure the marinade evenly covers the pork. Put in the garlic. Leave for at least 2 hours (or overnight!)
2) Heat pan in very low fire (there is high sugar content in the char siew sauce so if fire is high it will burn too quickly)
3) Put pork in pan and cover
4) Turn over after 10 minutes and cover. Let the other side cook for another 10 minutes
5) When the pork is cooked and the sauce turns sticky, glaze the pork with some honey
6) Increase fire to medium but you will have to keep turning it to prevent it from turning into charcoal!
7) When it’s ready slice the char siew and spread the remaining sauce over

Oscar being Oscar, his accompanying drink for this meal was.....

this!

-_-

pork meatballs spaghetti

2009-02-17T13:45:00.006+08:00

Being away from home means I am deprived of home cooked food. It’s true when they say that you don’t appreciate what you have until you don’t have it!! So mum – when I’m back in March, all I want to do is eat at home every single day!

So.....I resorted to the next best thing – cooking!! Thankfully Oscar loves Chinese food and I have always rather enjoyed cooking (I just don’t cook in KL because I have my mum to do that! Hehe). I picked up cooking whilst I was studying in Perth. I remember ButtercupTjin and I buying all the ingredients from the Asian store and when it came to us cooking for the first time, we were both crouching next to the bag of rice we bought, armed with a rice cooker and looked at each other and said “I hope you know what you’re doing!” hahaha!! ButtercupTjin said “How would I know, I have a maid at home” in which I replied “How would I know either, I have a mum who’s a good cook!”.

I made a long distance call to mum to ask her how to cook rice.

And that was how I started cooking!!

To cut the story short Tjin and I had many funny incidents with cooking which I shall not mention here but “invented” many dishes – Spaghetti ala MichTjin, Nasi Goreng Sambal ala MichTjin, Black Pepper Chicken ala MichTjin, Hokkien Mee ala MichTjin and the list goes on. I must say by the time we left Perth we perfected most of these dishes (by our own standards lah!).....hahaha

When I lived in Johannesburg I cooked a lot as well, mainly because it wasn’t very safe to go out at night and it was quite expensive to eat out. My flatmate at that time, Viv, loved it! We had Bak Kut Teh, Ayam Masak Merah, Chicken Rendang, Nasi Lemak etc in South Africa – in the middle of the frigging cold winter. When you’re that far away from home, even OldTown White Coffee is nice as the smell of it reminds you of home. So imagine being in Africa, 2 celcius when you get back from work and have Bak Kut Teh for dinner. Yummm!

I have cooked up a few meals in Singapore but again, I’m rubbish at taking photos. By the time I remember dinner is usually in our tummies already :-(

However, there was one dish which I was really happy about as it was the first time for me cooking it and mostly from scratch! No recipes, just a lot of “agak-ism” and thankfully it turned out well!! I planned on cooking Lamb Meatballs in Tomato base Spaghetti but when I turned up at FairPrice they had run out of minced lamb so I bought minced pork instead.

Most of the ingredients were again measured using my grandma’s famous “agak-ism” metrics so .... just agak-agak lah ya!

PORK MEATBALLS SPAGHETTI

THE MEATBALLS

What I used:
Minced Pork (you can replace with minced lamb)
2 cloves garlic, chopped
Scallions, chopped (I guess this depends on how much you like the taste of scallions)
1 medium sized onion, chopped
Fresh parsley, chopped
1 egg, beaten
1 tbsp light soya sauce
1 tsp cornflour
Dash of Salt
Dash of grounded black pepper
Dash of paprika

What I did:
1) Mix all ingredients
2) Roll into medium sized balls (don’t make them too big or it will be difficult to get the middle part cooked)
3) Fry in pan
4) Cool on paper towels (I don’t like them oily!)

THE SPAGHETTI

What I used:
Chicken breast, cut into small pieces
1 large onion, diced
2 - 3 cloves garlic, chopped
5 large tomatoes (you can replace with canned diced tomatoes)
1 can tomato paste
1 can button mushrooms (depending on preference, I’m not a huge mushroom fan so I use less)
Basil
Oregano
Thyme
Rosemary
Fresh Parsley
1 tbsp balsamic vinegar
1 tsp sugar
Olive oil for frying
Vermicelli Pasta (I prefer this as it’s thinner than Spaghetti – cooks faster)

Preparing the Tomatoes:
1) Boil water in pot
2) Cut the bottom of the tomatoes – I just made a cross mark
3) Immerse tomatoes in the boiling water (maybe half a minute)
4) Let it cool (I just ran it over tap water)
5) Peel the skin off with a small knife
6) Dice

What I did:
1) Heat some olive oil on pan
2) Sautee onion, garlic and mushroom on low heat
3) Add chicken pieces on medium heat – cook until it’s no longer pinkish
4) Add in diced tomatoes, tomato paste, balsamic vinegar and spices to taste (I prefer adding a little of everything first, taste it later and then top up to taste)
5) Mix together, simmer over medium low heat for about 30 minutes – actually when the diced tomatoes look like spaghetti sauce it’s done

Whilst waiting for the sauce to cook:
1) Boil the Vermicelli Pasta, add in a little salt
2) When it’s ready, toss it with olive oil

Top the pasta with the sauce and meatballs and serve hot.

I will take photos next time lor but it turned out very well. Oscar loved it which means it was quite good lah, considering he is a snob when it comes to non-chinese food!

life in singapore

2009-02-16T16:52:00.012+08:00

Singapore has been home to me for the past nearly one month and I must say I’m starting to adjust to the lifestyle here though still massively missing my family, dogs, friends, god daughter, food etc in KL.

Though everyone keeps telling me that Singapore is a VERY small place, I am still stuck in the little girl in big city syndrome (for now). I am still discovering places and restaurants (mostly) but am still not satisfied with the knowledge I have (or the lack of it) of shopping places in Singapore. In KL / PJ I know exactly where to go to get what I want and know my way around almost every major shopping mall. I know where to park, where the shops are, how to plan my shopping....and most importantly, I can DRIVE myself there. Honestly I don’t know what a luxury driving is until I got here. I am not referring to the morning and after office hour jams but more of the weekend shopping driving and driving myself around to run errands kind of driving.

Over in Singapore whenever I don’t have Oscar with me I have to take the CAB. Before you think I’m being atas or uppity-markety and all that, let me just say that the nearest MRT station to my place is about 25 – 30 minutes walk (in slippers, may I add) and the nearest bus stop is around 20 minutes walk (in slippers too). So it’s virtually impossible to get real public transport – just about the only thing I hate about where I am living!! So I have to resort to taking cabs – it costs me roughly SGD12 to get to work (when Oscar can’t drop me) with the stupid ERPs and about SGD9 to get back from work. But the beauty of it all is, I am actually early every morning and it takes me less than 10 minutes to get to work. On days where Oscar does drop me at the other end of the road (it’s easier for me to turn back to his direction which is the total opposite of where I work), I get a very relaxing walk by the river along Boat Quay, and it takes me about 6 minutes to get to my building.

This was taken at about 8am

peaceful....

looking back at the famous stretch on boat quay

my office at the bank of china building, which is next to the fullerton hotel

Oscar and I have spent a fair bit of time happily exploring the restaurants around Muhammed Sultan, which is within walking distance to our place though we have vowed to cut down considerably as it is NOT a cheap way to feed ourselves!!! Hence he is subjected to my cooking (which he says he likes – I’m not sure if it’s because it’s really home-cooked food that he misses or it’s the fact that he doesn’t need to pay crazy amount of money to feed us... hehe). It’s quite nice to chill out in front of the TV with a bottle of wine and chilling out at home sometimes, as Oscar likes to call “normal things normal people do at normal times”. Doing all these little things together is bringing us closer together as we both know how precious these moments are, especially when we were deprived of doing all the “normal everyday stuff” two years ago. Plus, it helps that we have a pretty good view of Singapore from our place...

view from our place

muhammad sultan at the foreground and part of Spore behind it

Oscar’s been really sweet, taking me around to various places in Singapore for food and wine – this is one thing we definitely have in common – we’re both foodies!!! I think I will do some justice and try to document these trips so I can at least remember where he takes me. I do remember a few though...

I absolutely loved L’Angelus, the French restaurant at Club Street. I will remember to document my next visit there as the food was absolutely excellent. I had the best Duck Confit (sorry I don’t remember the exact name of this dish – but it was a damn good duck confit lah!) and the Escargots were simply heavenly. I have always felt a bit icky about eating snails and my few past attempts at eating GARDEN SNAILS were not very pleasant so I politely declined when this arrived. After some coaxing and his “mmmmm......this is sooooo good...you sure you don’t want to try?” I agreed to try the sauce. And then I thought if the sauce was that good the damn snail can’t be that bad. And I ended up finishing half of it! I can’t remember what wine we had but it was so good we ended up having 2 bottles. See lah, this is why I need to start taking photos!

Another place I liked was Picotin at the Turf Club Road. We went there for brunch one Sunday and I ordered the wild mushroom soup and the pan seared scallops. YUMMY!!! Oscar had a rabbit leg which I refused to try because I cannot get over the fact that he’s eating what was once a fluffy white bunny. Yes that’s just me being very food-naive but hey I got over the snails thing maybe one day I will have one small nibble of the poor bunny rabbit. In some yummy sauce (I know because I dipped the chips into the sauce – but I DID NOT eat the bunny).

There’s this other place near our house called Boomerang – an Australian restaurant by Robertson Quay that serves Fish & Chips like the ones I used to get at Freemantle in Perth. I have tried nothing else on the menu so I can’t comment but have been there at least 4 times for Fish & Chips (such a nostalgic feeling) and shared a couple of bottles of Sauvignon Blanc (which is like our favourite type of wine to order) and copious amounts of Victoria Bitter.

Would write more but am going to head home now.....more to come!

my first time

2009-02-05T12:01:00.008+08:00

The Prodigy took my convert virginity.

Yes I know it does sound embarrassing but in 28 years of my life I have not been to a single concert (I blame this on my once over protective parents). But better late than never and I’ve been told that I’m lucky it wasn’t someone like Tommy Page or Chris Cuevas 18 years ago!! Which I think is quite true because 18 years ago I wouldn’t be able to go to a concert feeling chilled out and relaxed after a couple of alcoholic drinks. I also wouldn’t like to dig out photos of me at one of these concerts wearing over sized T-shirts (or God forbid a bright yellow and red BeeDees’s Tshirt!!), carrot cut jeans and high cut sneakers from LA Gear. Ugghhhhhhhh!!!! What were we thinking??!

Anyway back to the concert.

Oscar and I, anticipating the heat and sweat at Fort Canning Park decided to dress down and comfortable. He had on a T-shirt, lazy shorts and trainers and claimed that he was a 30 something year old wanna be 18 years old. But being the boy he is, he didn’t care and went like that anyway. But with his experience with outdoor concerts in London and him knowing that there was going to be some serious moshing at a Prodigy concert, he actually took the effort to put his brand new Blackberry (my Valentine gift to him – yeah I know, so romantic. Not!) in a zip lock bag and my phone and camera in another. I thought that was really cute. :-)

I went in a oversized top, short skirt and trainers. We walked all the way to Clarke Quay and met his mates JimJam and Huges at the Bungy Bar which is like the bar right next to the Ultimate Bungy at Clarke Quay! Haha sorry, I had a giggle that day cause I was asking Oscar what name they will change to if they took away the Ultimate Bungy and replaced it with a Trishaw Station or something.

So we shared a pasta and some chicken wings and had a couple of beers before we all proceeded to walk up to Fort Canning Park.

We arrived just as they came in a Bentley – I got a photo of the car but it wasn’t a very clear photo of the passengers. Damn. We got our paper bangle entrance thingy myjiggy and went in. The stage was set up at the bottom of a little hill and there were people scattered all over the hill (which was great because someone short like me can still see the stage from behind, from the higher part of the hill). The weather was perfect – breezy and not too humid. However I might as well have been in London or Australia....it was like a huge gwailo gathering and I felt like a minority. In Singapore!!

The guys made a beeline to one of the tents where they served candy floss and slurpees. NOT!!! Beer again lah, what else. After queuing up for about half an hour, we managed to get a beer and a Vodka Red Bull each. Oscar’s reasoning is that we have two hands each so might as well make use of both. -_-

The band only came on around 10ish and the crowd went crazy. Everyone seemed to be really comfortable moshing and pogo-ing ........ I think we were all born with this ability because somehow I found myself jumping and throwing my hands everywhere like the rest of them. Oscar and Huges went a little crazy jumping up and down behind me and kept calling their mate in London to force him to listen to The Prodigy at 2pm London time. Boys!!

I look around and see some girls standing awkwardly in tight dresses, chunky jewellery and 3 - 4 inch STILETTOS and cannot help but to secretly bitch laugh inside. I mean, I am vain and love my heels and all that but when you see FORT CANNING PARK printed in bold on the tickets, you’d at least have some brains to make sure your shoes don’t dig up little holes on the ground you walk on right? It’s seriously not a place to stand and look good and hope someone else will check you out cause the men (who became boys) that night were there for one reason – The Prodigy. If they wanted to chill out and spend the evening checking chicks on stilts they’d probably do it in the comfort of one of the bars or clubs along Clarke Quay don’t you think?? Anyway to the girls on super killer heels at FORT CANNING PARK, I respect you for the trouble you had to go through to hike all the way up to the top of the park and hill but honestly you looked very out of place. I bet you also had to bin your heels by the time you got back. * sigh* I hate seeing good shoes go to waste like that.

When the whole thing ended again we walked pass the same Bentley who was taking them out. We then hiked all the way down the hill and headed to Crazy Elephants for some Stellas. I think ever since moving to Singapore I’ve been drinking more beer and wine than water. Bad bad bad bad!!!

I was absolutely bushed by the time we had our lamb kebabs. I crashed when I got home. Fantastic night!! I was no longer a concert virgin!!!

Now I just need to convince Oscar to take me to Jason Mraz.....Rod Stewart.....Duffy......and I’m keeping my fingers crossed that Michael Buble and Il Divo makes an appearance in Sin City again.

I am now officially grown up as I have crossed off possibly the last thing I should have done in my teens. :-)

P/s - Photos to come soon!!

singapore

2009-02-02T14:23:00.005+08:00

It’s February already!! Funny how when I was waiting for February to come time seems to crawl but now that it’s February I look back and realise that it isn't that bad afterall!

It has been pretty manic since November ... packing, sorting out applications, closing bank accounts, travelling – honestly I felt like a zombie, going through a day at a time. So yeah, here I am now, permanently living and working in Singapore. And guess what – I don’t even need to fill in the immigration card to get in to Singapore anymore!

I’m still getting used to the fact that I’m actually living here. It hasn’t totally sunk in yet that I have moved out of my home in Malaysia and that I am now at a different phase in life. It’s going to be a pretty different ride this year but I’m really excited and totally enjoying the journey. I guess good things happen when the timing is right and everything just feels so right now. :-)

I must say though after 5 trips to and fro to bring my stuff over, I’m feeling more at home now that I have 1/3 of my clothes and shoes over! I counted yesterday.......I now have 29 pairs of my shoes in Singapore already (I brought in 8 pairs when I flew back yesterday! Haha!!) and I’m feeling more like I’ve moved here now. Mum & dad even gave me an entire Queen Cookware to take over so we now have a pretty complete kitchen and with pretty much the same pots and pans I’ve been used to at home too! Am also super excited cause they booked their tickets to come over in March and I can’t wait for us to show them around.

Anyway, photos to come soon once I’ve unpacked and sorted everything out (and when I’m not feeling too lazy). Still learning my way around Singapore but it’s really quite exciting!

AND I'm going for my first ever concert tomorrow (thanks babe!!) - The Prodigy. So so so excited!!

it's the last day!!

2008-12-23T19:46:00.004+08:00

I can never work on the last work day of the year.

I fidget, I walk about, I get excited, I count the hours, I count the minutes.....actually I'd just go anything to take my mind off counting down so time can pass faster and I can go home. But here I am at 7.47pm waiting for UncleJocules to finish interview so we can have our customary farewell drink of the year. UncleJillu is MIA this year as he has gone off much earlier to head to Ozzieland and NZ.

So stupid right? Counting down the time and then sitting here waiting for alcohol. Sheesh!!

Anyway...... my desk is now super clean cause I put all useless paper for recycling, threw away all the junk I've collected on my desk, clean it and now it's dust free and smells of baby powder as I have used up a whole packet of Johnson & Johnson's baby wipes to wipe my desk and everything that's sitting on it. Ahhhhhhhhhh :-)

9 more sleeps till I see Oscar ....... I can't wait!!

Merry Christmas everyone and have a fantastic holiday & New Year.

Hugs & kisses & all the chrismassy joy... Xx

of this year....

2008-12-22T23:57:00.002+08:00

It feels like I just blogged 2 days ago….and now it’s freaking DECEMBER already?? I always wonder how some of you manage to update your blogs almost on a daily basis. It’s either….

1) I really lack creative writing skills
2) I am just plain lazy
3) My life is just too bloody boring

I think I am a bit of all of the above. * sigh * Kesiannye….

So, again comes the end of the year and this is the customary “how did the year go” shit, I guess. Someone told me recently that it doesn’t really matter how most of the year went by, what stays in your memory is how the year ended. In a way I find that true as we do tend to reflect on our lives a little bit more coming to the end of the year (I wonder why??). Anyway I give example ok?

Example 1:
Say you have been trying to lose weight and for the past 10 months you have lost 6 kgs but in December after stuffing your face with many pre X’mas turkeys you find yourself putting on 3 kgs in 3 weeks. Do you remember the 6 kgs or the 3kgs? What would you more likely do – be happy that you’ve at least lost 3 kgs in a year or hate yourself for putting on that 3 kgs?

Example 2:
You’ve been single for 11.5 months and suddenly 2 days before X’mas you meet the boy/girl of your dreams. Will you remember 2008 as the year you spent 11.5 months at home on weekends or do you happily tell yourself that it was a good year afterall? If the boy/girl of your dreams came a week later (i.e. 2009) you would still have written off 2008 as a bad year and 2009 as a “good start” for many things good.

Example 3:
You lost your job, your car got stolen, your shoes got chewed on by your dog, your cat runs away etc etc … but on the 29th December you strike 1 million in lottery. You decide – good or bad year??

I could go on and on but I think you get the drift! So anyway, if I have to rate this year based on what’s happening towards the end of my year I must say I’ve had a super awesome 2008 and I’m looking forward to how things unfold in 2009. :-)

time flies

2008-10-29T23:28:00.005+08:00

I didn’t realise I haven’t blogged for awhile. Time so bloody FLIES! Is it coming to November already??? What the hell happened to July, August, September and October??

Omg thinking back from July onwards only so much has happened and yet I barely felt time going by. I went to Seoul and back, Tokyo and back, Singapore and back, Hong Kong and back, Phuket and back, we got the new car, I got a new dog, RENEE WAS BORN, RENEE HAD HER FULL MOON……….and I’m now in the midst of preparing for my bloody long trip to the Middle East. Dammit – the only thing I probably forgot to do in these 4 months was to get married, migrate to Alaska, shave my head bald and adopt a child.

Is it just me or does everyone else feel the same? I’m beginning to panic and my heart is palpating. In 7 months I will be 29, in 19 months I will be FUCKING 30!!! OMG OMG OMG………breatheeeeeee

And in another 2 months or so I will feel obligated (to myself) to do like a stupid new year review / resolution and then I’m going to realise that nothing much has changed. Blardy hell lah. I know that part about losing weight has failed again – but anyway it has been failing for the last 5 years or so …. So …….whatever lah. At least this time I have an excuse. I’m in my freaking LATE TWENTIES already and my metabolism rate has dropped so scientifically speaking that should probably make me….err….. more well padded? And because I’m in my LATE TWENTIES now I’m probably in denial or in a bad mood about reaching the big three “O” and if you have any grey matters left in your head you’d not want to bring that up. Done. I think I even have enough self pity excuses now to not put this back on the list. I can be so fucking positive like that. ;-)

Jokes aside what probably scares me most is that I am only biologically maturing but I am not emotionally and mentally maturing. I sometimes still feel as if I think like how I used to think 5 years ago, like nothing has changed. Sure my values and beliefs have evolved somewhat but deep down inside I suspect that the last few years are forcing me to portray a very superficial outlook on many things in life….. it’s not that I do this on purpose. I am just unsure how much of me has truly grown with the years.

I also think growing up confuses you and makes you a more confusing person. Very random post, this one.....but what to do..... I'm feeling extremely random now.

Good nite. :-)

cause and causal

2008-09-15T19:27:00.004+08:00

.....The philosophical explanation of karma can differ slightly between traditions, but the general concept is basically the same. Through the law of karma, the effects of all deeds actively create past, present, and future experiences, thus making one responsible for one's own life, and the pain and joy it brings to him/her and others.....

Do I believe in karma?

Maybe it’s time I did.

(Definition of Karma extracted from Wikipedia)

what a week...

2008-09-10T23:33:00.004+08:00

Today's only the MIDDLE of the week and I'm already wondering where I got the energy to last till today.

I met up with an old friend (who happens to be my ex ex ex boss, the guy who gave me my first job!) at American Chillis at Bangsar on Monday night - ended up drinking shitloads of Heineken after having no breakfast, soup only for lunch and no dinner. So clever, so hero I tell you!! Hugged the toilet bowl puking that night, and did the same the next morning. Practially forced myself to get out of bed, to shower and then to drive to work. I had to have breakfast and even walking to have breakfast the sun hurt my eyes and my head (which by the way sounded like it had a rave party in it the whole day). I think I had a little bit of hangover. -_-

Tuesday night I joined the rest of the gang at a badminton court next to Sime Darby Convention Centre (which I never knew existed) to play...............* drumroll * ........... b-a-d-m-i-n-t-o-n!!!! I have not held a raquet since I was like 8 or 9 years old (I am NOT being sarcastic). I surprised myself as I could still whack the shuttlecock after all these years. But needless to say I woke up the next morning feeling.....like I just got beaten up. I keep reminding myself of how much I had sweated and that makes me feel like the pain is all worth it. haha

Wednesday night (like just now) we spent our time at our usual watering hole, La Bodega. I finished my vodka bottle which I parked there (ok la, not much left la) but I only got home around 11. So imagine how long we were there......

I lead such a fulfilling and healthy lifestyle. I should write a book about living life.

Not!!!!

How lah?!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUTTERCUPTJIN!!!

2008-08-25T15:29:00.013+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TJIN!!!

Since BubbleKris is temporarily MIA, I shall do the honour of the public announcement. Girl, you’re officially like 28 YEARS young like the rest of us!!! Anyway I shall write for both me and BubbleKris because I am sure she will say the same to you. :-)

Woman, good times, bad times, happy times, sad times, funny times….we’ve been in each other’s lives for soooooooo long. The wrong haircuts, weird outfits, wrong boyfriends, weird boyfriends, right boyfriends….the parties, the gossip sessions, the sister get togethers, the skipping classes, the cooking sessions…we’ve been through quite a bit haven’t we?

I don’t know how I would have pull through all these years without you and BubbleKris; the both of you have been such a steady, constant pillar of strength for me and all I can say is I must have really done something soooo right in my past life to deserve the BOTH of you in my life.

Thank you for being the annual photographer for all my birthday parties. Thank you for being there through my puking sessions on my birthday EVERY year. Thank you (not) for taking photos of me peeing in the toilet. Thank you for coming up with the Spaghetti ala TjinMich recipe with me. Thank you for being the best co-chef for the world’s best nasi goreng sambal belacan letup with me. Thank you for being there when I was sobbing my eyes out. Thank you for being supportive when I’m happy and when I needed it. Thank you for laughing with me all these years and for being there with me to find the humour in life. Thank you for just being you and for being my sister / my “lookalike”.

I’m not going to write much, I could go on and on about how I feel about the both of you and our friendship / sisterhood but I think you already know. So here’s a series of 0.0005% of the photos we have taken over the years.

Anyway Happy Birthday again woman, you truly deserve all the happiness in the world.

taken in 2001 at Northbridge, Perth

in 2006 @ eccentric opening

hehe...one of our many random tipsy photos

we just loooove the camera don't we

honestly one of the BEST outings we had, @ souled out, hartamas

partners in crime....organisers for Kristy's "sorry we're too busy to do anything this year" surprise party

we even make toilet rolls look fashionable haha... @ kristy's hen nite

getting ready for kristy's big day

@ kristy's wedding dinner

BabyRenee's godmas...

2005 @ finnegans, hartamas

the legendary souled out photo

in 2006, tsb, bangsar

with part of kristy's indecent cake

the bond.....and the epitome of what friendships should be

We love you woman!

updates...updates...

2008-08-25T00:48:00.001+08:00

WOW.

You guys actually drop by to read my blog?? OMG….like…WOW. Been meaning to update the blog but I thought since I’m the only one reading it I can just keep it all in my head until I have the mood to put it in writing..hehe

Anyway as always when something doesn’t happen, there are the customary excuses. So here goes: I was in Seoul for a week, and then Tokyo for a week and then Singapore for nearly a week….travelling is very time consuming ok! Not to mention when I have so many events back to back it takes up shitloads of time preparing for it and then when I get back I just want to unwind and be…like…braindead and stupid. So that’s why lor..

Anyway, after all the scares she gave us throughout these 9 months, Renée Elisabeth Lim has finally made her grand entrance on the 22nd August 2008. The little drama princess is just so… beautiful. She looks so tiny, so perfect and so innocent. Just the other day I was looking at her and touching her little toes I felt so overwhelmed. It’s amazing that she is the same baby in BubbleKris’ tummy kicking away….the same baby that BubbleKris was carrying in her tummy for a good 9 months. In all honesty I am just so relieved and happy both mother and daughter are well and healthy and are doing so well. I’ve known BubbleKris for so many years and I have never seen that maternal side of her so seeing her cuddling a sleeping Babyrenée in her arms and seeing the look on her face….priceless. It will be very interesting seeing her grow up and I hope no matter what happens ButtercupTjin and I will be there to see all her stages of growth….and hopefully, in a anyway at all, play a part in enriching her life as her GodMa’s!!

Moving on to something else, I was just thinking the other day how I always look forward to a new year because I always hope to be able to leave the past behind and start fresh and look forward to everything new and different. Funny thing is I realized I constantly consoled myself that I have been through so much this year that nothing else can be worse so I have learnt my lessons and am ready to conquer the new year. But things don’t always happen that way does it? Life always have a funny way to manifest new experiences – be it good, bad, unexpected, disappointing, exhilarating etc etc. When we think we are experiencing the happiest moment, there will be something else that crops up that will possibly give us even greater happiness. When we think we are experiencing the lowest and most depressing moment, there will always be something else that crops up that will throw us back to that state again. So I’m just wondering…

Did our lives seem easier to handle when we were younger because there was less in our “life archive” and the reason why our experiences and feelings seem magnified as we grow older is because we have so much more history to dig up from our “archive”? Maybe we “move on” with things in our lives but we never really forget and each time life brings us back to the same or similar crossroad we dig up our same or similar past experience to help us through the one we are facing.

I’m really beginning to think the reason why I have been in and out of my frustration the last 2-3 years is because I keep making the same choices at similar crossroads. I keep ending up at a dead end – and I get totally disappointed in MYSELF for making the “same” mistake again. I consider myself as someone who possesses enough intelligence when it comes to studies and work but honestly there’s so much more I need to learn about life, despite going through more challenges in the last few years than most would at my age.

I did a lot of thinking this weekend and I have a hunch I am at the same crossroad. I am truly blessed because although I have messed up so many times, I feel like I am somehow always given a second, and a third, and a fourth chance to try and make the right decision and to try to do things a bit differently …. and hopefully, right.

If it’s true that people get a certain ‘calling’ or ‘signal’ for something new or a change in their life, I “think” I got mine this weekend. I am not 100% sure but that feeling of calmness and that “knowing” feeling is just something that was so unexpected and almost, just almost - forgotten. I think I need to give it some more time to confirm if this ‘gut feeling’ is for real.

I can’t wait to see how it unfolds…

it's that time again...

2008-07-10T00:53:00.004+08:00

I think my body is finally responding to everything that has happened the last 2 months. I feel like I have been functioning on adrenaline for some time and now my body is telling me to slow down....take a deep breathe....

I have this cold that I can't seem to shake off since I got back from Seoul. I have a fever that comes and goes, sometimes pretty mild, sometimes pretty high. I have been having difficulty sleeping, despite my body and mind being so exhausted. It's like I went on overdrive and I forgot how to get back to neutral.

I "think" I need a break.

babyrenée's baby shower

2008-06-17T21:39:00.013+08:00

ButtercupTjin and I threw BubbleKris and Babyrenée a baby shower on Saturday….just a small get together for close friends and BubbleKris’s family. A baby shower is a baby shower lah – of course it was all nice and sweet and happy. Can’t wait for Babyrenée s birth….she’s soooooooo going to be spoilt rotten by all of us :-) By the way, for those who don’t know yet ButtercupTjin and I are the appointed Godmummies to Babyrenée!! How exciting is that!

And since we’re talking about Babyrenée can I just express how happy I am (and I think I speak for MANY) that BubbleKris is the one naming her and not Bubble’sFattyHubby? He came up with some pretty er…… ‘unconventional’ names initially which none of us thought was socially acceptable. It’s so unacceptable we roll our eyes each time it’s mentioned and all of us as if by instinct give him this look: “-_-“

BubbleKris, have I told you, you are absolutely glowing and you are one hot mama!! I might be biased because I love you to bits but really you are!!

Anyway some photos!!

cutesy baby cupcakes baked by Naddy!

baby socks individually wrapped

hehe trained from young...

cool baby bibs

she'll wear this when ButtercupTjin and I are not around of course..

see how the papa is controlling his happiness after seeing all things pink

Bubble'sFattyHubby reacting to more pink stuff... (p/s she's so not going to be a biker chick ok!! You forget who her mum and her godmas are kah?)

adorable idol

here, the closest pic we can get of Babyrenée :-)

RIP sparkle baby

2008-06-10T22:28:00.004+08:00

I dreaded coming home today. I cried all the way home as I was driving ..... I came home to an urn with Sparkle's ashes. It came in a little basket, the urn in the middle with fresh flowers surrounding the urn and a photo frame meant for his photo. He was cremated yesterday at a pet crematorium.

I held on to Scruffy as I cried. I know she misses him too...it's going to be so different without him.

I felt a tremendous wave of guilt today when I saw his urn. I thought about all the things I could have done better for him. I could have taken him for more walks. I could have taken him to a few more doctors to try see if they could have cured him. I could have spent a little more time with him the last weekend instead of being so stressed about work. I could have talked to him. I could have spent some time scratching his ears. I could have bought him more toys. So many things I wished I could do now, but will never have the chance again.

I will never hear him bark again, never hear him belch, never see him jumping for food, never see him trying to peek in through the windows, never bathe him again, never feed him again......

He's gone. He's left, all that we have now is a little tiny urn and lots of memories.

I miss you Sparkle baby....I really hope you're happy and not suffering anymore. We love you.

goodbye sparkle boy

2008-06-09T14:30:00.005+08:00

Sparkle in his e-collar & the doggie straw hat I bought from Tokyo

Sparkle passed away this morning, when exactly we’re not sure as he was already lying lifeless this morning at around 6ish. I have mixed feelings about his death – we’re partly relieved as he has been battling with acute demodex mange and the on and off malassezia for a long long time now.

He was brought to live with us in May 2003 by an uncle whose dog had a litter of 4 puppies because I was still devastated at that time after having lost my first dog Richie - so he thought bringing a new puppy to me was going to help fill that void.

If you have had pets before you would know what I mean when I say they are different in their individual ways….nobody could ever replace Richie, and neither any other dog can replace Sparkle. But he did bring life to the house again. In a lot of ways Sparkle helped me with my pain of losing Richie. I was totally devoted towards bottle feeding him (he was still VERY young at that time) to potty training him to taking him to the vet for his shots to bathing him to brushing his teeth to plucking his ear hair….everything!

When he was nearly one we discovered he was born with an extremely weak immune system and he started getting small patches of demodex mange every few months. It was heart breaking for us and was stressful for him but he basically spent most of his life on ivermectin jabs, tablets, antibiotics and even a couple of times we had to let him take the Mitaban dip. His condition improved and worsened and that became a cycle we got used to for the past 5 years. I’ve read countless holistic healing books for dogs and I tried everything – natural herbs, putting him on a diet of BARF (Bone and Raw Food), homeopathy, aromatherapy, lemon baths, apple cider vinegar, salmon oils……

He survived 5 years. He did his best just as we did our best.

I will miss seeing him sleep beside the door and lazily walk away when we want to walk pass. I will miss seeing him do his tricks (ironically his best trick is playing dead. I will hold up my fingers as if it’s a gun, point to him and say “Bang”…and he will flop down with his tongue hanging out….not moving until I snap my fingers and give him his treat………..and he second best trick is probably lying down and rolling over). I will miss seeing him gobble his food every day like he hasn’t been fed for months. I will miss seeing him run in his funny way. I will miss seeing that guilty look on his face when he knows he has done something wrong and we ask “who did this?” I will miss seeing his eyes close slowly and lazily when I scratch him behind his ears. I will miss seeing him lie on his back with his four paws in the air wanting to be scratched on this belly. I will miss seeing him jump excitedly when we say “walk walk” or “sit car”. I will miss seeing him sit right in the middle of the backseat and blinking his eyes as the A/C blows directly to his face.

My other dog, Scruffy, looked really depressed this morning. It’s as if she understands what’s happening. She will be pretty lonely as she grew up with Sparkle since she was given to us as a puppy in 2004.

However looking at the bright side, Sparkle is no longer suffering. I hope he is in a better place now. I hope doggy heaven exists.

We will miss you Sparkle boy. We love you.

Sparkle with his first Kong toy

With Sparkle boy on his first doggie outing

music & lyrics

2008-05-22T10:37:00.005+08:00

An excerpt of a conversation from "Music & Lyrics" starring Hugh Grant & Drew Barrymore...

Sophie Fisher: A melody is like seeing someone for the first time. The physical attraction. Sex.

Alex Fletcher: I so get that.

Sophie Fisher: But then, as you get to know the person, that's the lyrics. Their story. Who they are underneath. It's the combination of the two that makes it magic.

How many of us actually make it past the melody and reach the lyrics and ultimately try relating to the song?

Have a thought about it....I know I have been pondering about this the whole morning.

grrrrrrrrrr

2008-05-11T02:58:00.002+08:00

Lately I notice I am very quickly affected and rather badly affected by one particular person. What shocks me is that she means nothing to me and is just someone I have to deal with. But she repeatedly pushes my buttons and as if she knows exactly what buttons to push, she seems to be having a field time pushing them again and again.

Each time I deal with her my blood really boils, and I can feel myself going out of control.

Earlier she wrote me an email which absolutely drove me mad and I have to re-read the email over and over and over again and I went downstairs to watch Channel E for a good 1 hour to calm myself down before I could reply to her.

She’s nobody. Why should I be so affected?

I know for the past year I have tried my best to be patient because I keep telling myself she’s new and terribly young but it seems that her attitude problem is just getting worse. What’s more I’m getting more complaints from all other departments about her and as I’m leading the team I have to justify her behaviour and her attitude to them even though I know the way she talks can really piss people off. I have no choice because I need to try maintaining the relationship between these groups of people to continue to have a mutually acceptable working environment.

Maybe I’m actually angry at the fact that I have all these unnecessary things to deal with that I wouldn’t have to deal with if she had more decency to talk nicer to everyone else. Then they won’t come to me complaining. Maybe I have developed a resistance to everything she has stirred up simply because she cannot talk to people nicely. Whatever lah. Director or not, I’m human too and my human side is saying “Fuck it – go learn some bloody manners and stop giving me grief”.

I have said that I need to get rid of toxic people. What happens if you HAVE to work with them? I would like to avoid talking to her or have anything to do with her but how can I do that if I HAVE to deal with her?

I just feel like I need to find a way to deal with this because face it – people aren’t gonna change. And my way of dealing with it is to take deep breaths before talking to her and be totally indifferent when talking to her and avoid talking to her at all costs.

That aside, I noticed that with what has happened recently I am a lot more edgy and am more easily affected. I really need to start finding a way to release all this pent up frustration……..

thank you....

2008-05-10T20:46:00.013+08:00

Due to the drama the last week, I have had no mood whatsoever to even think about my birthday this year. If news were bad there would simply be no celebration at all. But lucky me, things turned out ok....at abt 11am or so I had the good news.

I couldn't control my emotions and burst out crying. Happy tears of course. I know this sounds a tad bit dramatic but I felt like I was given a second chance. I felt like that was a warning to me that something in my life needed to change and most importantly it was like a wake up call for me to value what I always took for granted, even if I subconsciously took it for granted. Shouldn't be dwelling on bad news, what's most important is things are ok and I intend to keep it that way.

Anyway, ended up in LaBodega the usual watering hole for a couple of pre dinner drinks and was supposed to go for a "Brother's dinner", just me and the 2 uncles....but ended up drinking crazy amount of different shots and cocktails with quite a few of them from work and by 10pm we gave up and had tapas and paella there instead. I was massively tipsy but definitely not anywhere close to the drunken states I was in the last errmm....5-8 years??? So, I see that as a sign of improvement (or maturity) hehe...

I also wanna thank all my friends and family for sending me the Facebook msgs, emails and SMSs.....I love you all!! I really do!!! Thank you thank you thank you!!! I'm still feeling all warm and fuzzy from yesterday!!

My birthday cake!!

This was on LaBodega's board (they change it everyday)....I sent it to someone....I hope the message is understood

Okay, BubbleKris... I just read your blog (hehe girl, I've decided to use the names you use for us on your blog....but betcha never heard one for you, huh??)...and your post made me cry!! Anyway I just want to say I love you too girl!! I'm still sniffling!!! Can't wait for ButtercupTjin to get her ass back so we can finally have a get-together! Xx

a chance...

2008-05-06T23:10:00.004+08:00

I have been in a rather morbid mood today since "the" call. I have had a few surprise calls in my lifetime and most of the time they are surprising but in a good way. Like the time Projet called and told me I won a trip to Penang....ok la it's not Paris or anything but still the flight and suite were taken care off okay...and that was my first time winning something so it was nice okay...all for just buying their Petrol and filling up a silly contest form.

Anyway I digress...

I sometimes wonder where my grandparents have gone to. The Chinese believe that the people who have departed gets reincarnated after a certain time (I can't tell you the time because there is no manuals for these kind of things, sorry)...apparently who you are reincarnated to depends on your karma in the past life. I always like to think that if you do bad this lifetime you might get reincarnated as a cockroach or lizard or something. I mean, who would want to end up being a cockroach and possibly die from Shelltox overdose or some smelly slippers??! Who would want to live in dirty, smelly, dark places and feed on disgusting stuff?? It's a damn sad life okay!! So anyway, because I want to be reincarnated as a human being again (and I have had this belief since I was wayyyyy younger).....I have to be good in this lifetime.

I know I'm not perfect - I have my moods, my temper and sometimes I can be a total bitch. But deep down inside I know I don't have a bad heart. Despite all my shortcomings, I have tried to be good, to do good things.....to make others happy. So if this ancient theory and my childhood belief was right, I must have been borderline good in my past life but I must have done something pretty bad too, to have to face the repercussions in this lifetime.

I turn 28 on Friday. Yes, only 28. It's a bit too early for payback, isn't it? I know I shouldn't think myself silly but I can't help it.

Whatever I've done wrong, please forgive me. Give me a chance.....I've only just started my journey.

if

2008-05-01T22:09:00.002+08:00

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master,
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)

season ... reason ... lifetime

2008-04-30T16:30:00.006+08:00

Letting go, to me, has always been difficult. I find it hard to let go of memories, of personal things, of failing relationships, of friendships… but perhaps there comes a time in our lives when we need to stop expecting problems to dissipate or habits to change and just accept that a relationship or friendship is no longer working.

I have been stuck twice in that situation and both times I have hung on stubbornly; believing that time, faith and love with make everything better. Waking up full of hope and going to sleep in disappointment was a regular affair. Despite all the heartache, the bewilderment and the disappointment, I hung on. And on. And on. But then there is always one day, when we least expect it, we know in our hearts we have ran the race and have reached the end. It is they day I am 101% sure I am indifferent and going to stay that way. It is the day I ask myself over and over again to do something but cannot seem to bring myself to do anything because I have lost that spark of hope. It is the day I tell myself “enough”. It is the day I am so exhausted I am numb to pain. It is the day I and so frustrated I can’t even talk to myself about it.

It is the day I choose to put the past behind me.

Sure – at times I still look at that two incidents in my life and allow the quick “what ifs” to pass through my mind but I know this was just part of the emotional rollercoaster ride. I know if I stuck to it, I will be ok in minutes, in hours, perhaps a day. But point is, I will be ok. I am ok.

Someone sent this (see below) to me 2 months ago. Someone I have grown to care for a lot. It’s ironic that I now have to use the very same email to try figure out how the person fits in to my life….was that person a reason … a season … or a lifetime? I’m confused.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

not again...

2008-04-24T23:56:00.012+08:00

I'm itching to do something again. The first time I felt like that I pierced my belly. Second time I felt like that I re-pierced my belly. Third time I felt like that I got a tattoo. It's that I-think-I-need-some-pain kind of itch.

So how? Pierce my belly the third time?? Crazy.....and I dug up some old pics just to see it again and man, it does look painful.

see the first piercing I did?

I'll try to sleep on this and hopefully this crazy feeling does not linger till tomorrow...

when will I ever learn?

2008-04-22T18:45:00.001+08:00

Whenever I look back at the events that have unfolded in my life for the last 3 years I sometimes wonder how I went through everything. I often wonder how I went through those days . . . and how I painstakingly survived a day at a time and came out in one piece.

They say experience makes a person stronger and wiser but I’m not quite sure why I have not at the very least nearly got there? Have I not been taught enough? Or have I not been given enough life changing lessons? But truth to be told – for a long time now I have this nagging fear that the problem lies in me not learning from my mistakes.

I experience but I don’t apply.

I know but I ignore.

I feel but I deny.

I learn but I forget.

Can someone please just smack me on the head?!

rant rant

2008-04-21T09:16:00.010+08:00

OMG I really need a holiday. Like a REAL holiday. No emails, no phones, no nothing. I'm feeling so totally burnt out it's not funny.

I'm perpetually sleepy and tired and exhausted no matter how much I sleep. Hmmm or am I sleepy and tired and exhausted from suddenly sleeping too much?? Ah whatever - a short break is in order and I need to rejuvenate myself before .... before .... ermm ... before I go spiralling down in exhaustion I guess?

I'm going through a funny phase right now. Have you ever been in a situation where you know what you need to do but it kills you to do it? Well I'm doing that now, flushing all the toxic people and toxic everything out of my life so I can live happily ever after!!

Toxic people are the ones I classify as the people in your life who makes you feel bad about yourself, people who brings about so much negativity or negative feelings into your life, people who have the ability to mess up the unhappy feelings, I guess. I know to a certain extent there should be self control and one can argue that you only feel what you allow others to make you feel. I'm a strong believer in that too but if you can identify the ones who can conjure up these negative feelings, isn't it a proactive thing to do by cutting them out from your lives? Or at least, minimise the paths crossed?

It's funny how we can be so hugely affected by people who make us feel bad and yet there are those comes into our lives and tries so hard to make us smile and to make us happy....we either take them for granted or we do not notice them at all. I have started to notice these 2 groups of people in my life.....

And if I can choose how I want to live my life and how I want to feel about my life then....out with the negative, in with the positive...by choice.

yawn

2008-02-28T11:54:00.003+08:00

I had two pretty intense conversations last night and I woke up today with such a heavy head and no matter how hard I have been trying all morning, I can’t seem to shake off the melancholia. Dammit – get outta my head!!

I am so so so sleepy today. Still feeling the copious amount of margaritas and Heinekens from last nite….

you lucky, lucky girl, you

2008-02-17T01:51:00.002+08:00

I honestly never thought anyone would read this blog. I’m shit at updating and most of the things I write about are not amusing or thought provoking or funny or controversial ….. this is just a ranting ground for me really.

It got me thinking today when someone asked me if I was really as depressed as I sound. My last post was written in a very random emo moment and was a reflection of something that was on my mind at that time. But at that moment only.

So I thought maybe I should write about some more positive things in my life so *just in case* some people accidentally end up reading my blog they wouldn’t think I’m at the brink of killing myself.

So…the positive things in my life…

I have the most wonderful parents in the whole world. This is not meant to sound cheesy or anything but it is true. My mum’s my bestest friend in the whole world and I’m close enough to my dad to talk about things daughters would normally cringe to discuss with their dads. My parents brought me and my brother up in a very balanced way I’d like to think – we’re both very grounded culturally but we have also always been encouraged to speak up and to follow our hearts. I have made some really stupid decisions in the past 3 or 4 years (some of them decisions that most parents will never agree to) but being my parents, they stuck to me through all my decisions and silliness and never once said “I told you so”. They are the loves of my life for sure. Lucky me.

I might not have many friends I hang out with all the time but I am blessed with the friendship of my two closest and most trusted friends. I have known these 2 girls since 1998 and our friendship has remained strong until today and there are no 2 other people in the world other than my own family that I know will be with me through anything and at anytime. Some people are lucky enough to have met one friend like that in a lifetime but I have two and for that I’m sure I have done something right somehow for it is definitely my good karma that I’m blessed with not one but two of this very unique friendship in this lifetime. They are family to me now….in every way.

I also have a small group of friends from different phases of my life that have made a mark in my life and in each of their own special ways have a very special place in my heart. These are the people I can lose contact with for months or years – but when we meet we are able to pick up from where we left with no effort at all.

I have a job now which I love. Yes I do love what I do. I might complain and moan about the other things that come with the job but then again no job is perfect and I must say my job has given me quite a lot of personal satisfaction throughout the years. I still wished some of the things were different though but I guess we can’t always have it all right? But point is I have a job, it has given me an opportunity to grow and while the monetary side of it is honestly nothing to really shout about, it has made a difference in my lifestyle….especially when I compare it to the lifestyle I grew up with. Best thing is I am now able to slightly (just very slightly) be able to pamper my parents a little every now and then.

What else….I guess I’ve been pretty lucky too, to have a bit of an opportunity to travel at my age? I know many have traveled a lot more than I did, but hey, my family was never rich enough to enable us to travel overseas as I was growing up. There was a time (probably right before I started this job) that getting on an airplane itself was a treat / luxury….how times have changed. I’m now officially allergic to cabin food and the smell of airplanes….and dread waiting at airports….dread flight delays….dread the queue at immigration….dread lugging my laptop and bag….dread having to pull my heavy bag off the conveyor belt….dread room service. But all that aside, I’m still a lucky girl I guess to have had the experience of traveling for work. Have to think positive right – that’s the whole idea of this post right??!!! Hehe

Hmmm….I guess the one part of my life that has given me the most headache and grief is the relationships part. I have been through some really rough time over the last couple of years but I can honestly say I’ve met some very interesting people who have made some positive impact and changes to my life (if I stop thinking of the negative!!). I guess I haven’t been successful or lucky enough to meet the right person….perhaps in most circumstances the timing was not right….who knows. But looking at the brighter side of things again, I’m thankful for being able to love, thankful for not giving up on love and thankful that I have met these people who have made an impact in my life. True that it has made me somewhat cynical - perhaps even a little bit jaded at times… but I am definitely stronger emotionally today than I have ever been. I guess not all bad experiences are negative even if they hurt a lot. I guess SOME good will always turn out from something painful. It’s true that it’s easier to learn and grow over hurt and disappointment. And I still hold very dearly to the belief that things will eventually turn out ok. It always does.

I am nowhere near perfect I know but I am lucky I turned out to be who I am and to be where I am and to have all the wonderful people in my life. So really, it’s not all that bad being me!!

Oh while we are at talking about all the positive stuff in my life, I had expected nothing this Valentines….afterall the last 3 Valentines for me have all been uneventful. But this year, someone sent me some roses and chocolates!! The sender has obviously chosen to be anonymous, for what reasons I’m not sure. I still don’t know who delivered them to me but whatever it is, and whoever it is, thank you for the sweet gesture and though I can’t personally say that to you, it made my day because I truly felt like somebody cares. :-)

So I guess it can’t be all that bad being me. I have so much to be thankful for in my life….I AM a lucky girl. Don’t be jealous k?

i'm very frustrated...and confused..

2008-02-10T15:07:00.001+08:00

When you love someone…do you just give all you can because you want to see the other person happy and not expect reciprocation at the same level? Or do you only truly love someone when you are able to give and take at the same time?

When you love someone…do you just accept things as they are even if it makes you unhappy and not be able to express it? Or do you only truly love when you are open with what you like and do not like and it’s something that CAN be discussed?

When you love someone…do you just accept never being a priority? Or do you only truly love when you are one of the priorities and at times be “the” priority?

When you love someone…do you truly believe what you are told? Or do you only truly love when you can accept that sometimes things are said as fleeting empty promises and were said because it was the right thing to say?

When you love someone…do you accept your partner’s reservations about acknowledging you and wait for their acceptance? Or do you only truly love when you love someone who is proud of you?

When you love someone…do you accept that you may love that person more? Or do you only truly love when you love someone who loves you equally?

When you love someone…do you accept not being told everything? Or do you only truly love when the communication is clear and honest?

When you love someone…do you accept not being in the person’s thoughts all the time? Or do you only truly love when you know the person thinks about you often and misses you?

When you love someone…do you second guess the other person’s thoughts and meanings and try to always give the benefit of the doubt? Or do you only truly love when you are assured and confident of the other person’s thoughts and feelings?

When you love someone…do you spend your time wishing the other person would miss you enough to want to spend time with you? Or do you only truly love when the other person wants to spend as much time with you as you do?

When you love someone…do you accept that calls are sometimes not answered and sms’s are sometimes ignored because they are busy or because of the presence of others? Or do you only truly love when you know your partner is happy to hear from you and will always make time for you?

When you love someone…do you accept that writing this is healthy and a positive feeling towards the beginning of something? Or do you only truly love when you are not plague by these doubts?

What do you do when you want to talk to someone you care for about things that are bothering and depressing you but dare not because you’re not sure how they’d react?

What do you do when you care for someone and they are hurting you by either their words or actions but you have to put a happy face because you keep telling yourself that they are not doing this intentionally?

What do you do when you wake up every morning with a prayer that things will improve but go to bed every night telling yourself that it might happen tomorrow instead?

What do you do when you have seen and felt the most amazing feelings, connection and security and it’s taken away almost overnight?

Do you wait for it to slowly get back there again? Or do you just accept that the moment has passed?

And if you really have to wait, is it really love when you don’t feel as if it’s an effort from both sides? And if it’s not, can it ever work?

arrrrghhhhhhh

2008-01-04T18:40:00.001+08:00

Today is one of those days where I feel so frustrated and confused that I’m literally rooted to where I’m sitting…unable to move and I feel as if I did, I didn’t know what to do and where to go.

If I was forced at gun point to come up with a resolution for this year it will be to nurture a non existent trait in me – INDIFFERENCE. While I sometimes can get away by looking like I am, but truth is I AM NOT. I envy the people who can change to this mode whenever they want and have a million justifications for them to stay that way.

I have no problems coming up with the reasons – my biggest problem is trying to conjure that feeling and mood!! And my even bigger problem is dealing with people who CAN switch to that mode TOWARDS me. Arghhhhh!! That makes me twitch and every fibre of my body just wants to screaaaammmm!!!

Arrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhh!!

first random blah of the year

2008-01-02T17:43:00.001+08:00

Today is my first day back at work this year….and I feel totally brain dead.

Why does that happen? I’ve been waiting for time off work for ages and when I finally get it I feel like I’m literally growing stupid at home. I enjoyed the time I had in hand, but I was starting to get stressed because I wasn’t doing anything productive.

I knew I should have picked Phuket again – I had so much fun the last two times I was there. The sun, the smell of the sea, the sand, the shopping, the ice cold coconut by the beach, the Thai food…..ahhhhh……. blisssssss..

Just today four people asked me about my New Year resolutions, two asked me if I have met someone new over the holidays (and one nicely commented that I haven’t had a boyfriend since I got back from Africa…gee…thanks!!), one asked me if I was getting married soon (I smiled and said she’s invited to my wedding next year on the condition she brings me the groom!!)

What happened to the days when people asked you easy questions….like how’s the weather for example??

I have never had New Year resolutions – why must people only decide to do things when it’s a brand new year? If they have thought of something in August last year and it was something that was going to be life changing, do they keep it for January so they have a mission for the new year? If someone wanted to quit smoking why not quit the moment they think it’s what they want to do? What is the significance of waiting until January each year to quit? I recall my teachers ‘forcing’ us to come up with resolutions back in school. If I said “I want a dog” that was not really a resolution because mum & dad were bosses at home and if they say no, there is no bloody way I could change their mind. If I said I want to be a millionaire, it was not really a resolution either as being 8 there was really nothing much I could do to earn money unless I pimped myself. But of course being 8 and innocent (I still am) why would I even think of that.

(If anyone is still reading…. you’d know I’m bored at work and trying to pass time).

Now, the boyfriend and the marriage thing. I am sooooooooooooooo SICK AND TIRED of people asking me if I’m seeing anyone or if I’m getting married soon. So what if everyone around my age are doing that or giving birth or about to have their 19th child? I’m happy for them, congratulations. But that does not mean that I need to do the same! That’s something I’d like to do someday but it has to be with the right person and at the right time! When I do get a boyfriend I think I’d need to run a full page ad for a week so everyone knows and leaves me alone. But until that happens, LEAVE ME ALONE!!! I am single and don’t have a problem with that. (If you’re related to me and you’re still reading – yes you are one of them!!! So when you see me the next time, just zip it, thank you!!)

I can’t even decide on what mobile phone to get for myself. Deciding on a boyfriend is way too complicated for me.

Or is it...? :-)

goodbye 2007, hello 2008!

2007-12-31T19:25:00.001+08:00

I always have mixed feelings on 31st December.

I want to let go of the bad experiences and memories and am eager to see what the new year has in store; yet I also want to hold on to the good experiences and memories and am wondering if the new year will also bring about happiness and laughter.

I have been wondering for the last few days what people mean when they say they’ve had a good or bad year. I have reflected on my life in the year of 2007 and I honestly cannot define this year in those two extremes.

I have regretted some decisions and actions and wished I had done things differently; but I have also made some decisions that have changed my life positively.

I have been hurt and wounded emotionally; but I have also loved and been loved.

I have closed some doors to my past; but I have also opened some new doors.

I have shed tears, I have been disappointed, angry, confused, stressed, worn out but I have also shed tears of happiness; I have laughed, sang, danced, cared and loved.

However, be it good or bad experiences… I have learnt. I have matured. Definitely grown.

So perhaps as much as I would have loved to do without the setbacks, challenges, heartaches and pain of 2007, I do believe that all my experiences has moulded me to be who I am today…and I think I’m now ready for 2008.

Carpe Diem!